I have had this blog since December 20th, 2005. Twelve years of sporadic writing and sharing whatever God has put on my heart and mind. I've enjoyed the flexibility of the platform, to be honest. The demand-less opportunity to offer a few thoughts about what I was facing, how I was walking and when I was struggling.
On December 20th, 2005, I wrote a post referencing a new season following insanely painful heartbreak. And as I re-read it from the perspective of a 31 year-old with a few more laps around the field under my belt, I was struck by how true all of what God was teaching then still is so true now...but the depth of understanding is what has changed.
1. "Your validation, your worth...the value of who you are must not depend on a human being, or anything else on this earth. "
At that point in time, it was in reference to a boy. Since then, I've faced this as it relates to career, position, relationships and even my own self-judgement. And now, as a married woman, I need to be on guard that this does not link back to "how I am doing" as wife. My validation and value comes from the One who created me. Period. But the distance between the truth of that and the daily living of that can be pretty vast.
So it helps to take a step back in the morning and evaluate - "Where am I looking for affirmation?" and prayerfully shift my mind and heart.
2. "God is enough."
Honestly, when I wrote this, I had no idea how much that would be tested over the next 12 years. I even hate the way it is so often used - a cliche answer to something awful. If I've learned anything, it's that this is not a response to pain. I often saw it as a way to help others step through their stuff. It was what I could offer - or at least I thought it was. But thankfully, I realized that this is reality of God's sufficiency is not a response to hard stuff. But it's a truth IN hard stuff. It doesn't comfort, console or resolve. It just is.
Again, the distance between God's sufficiency and my feet-on-the-floor trust in that is almost ridiculous at times. But, the truth of it, especially after walking through job changes, visa stuff, like an anchor, keeps the ship where it needs to be. That doesn't mean the ship does rock, toss and move with the waves in the storm. Heck it could even capsize. But its battered, beaten body is still held.
3. "I suck at control"
Still true. Still fight for it. Continually have to remind myself that control is not the point. But God has put some awesome people in my life to remind me of all of this and who can regularly tell me to suck it up. My husband being one of them.
So, after nearly 12 years of writing, I'm going to make this one my final post. The summary of it all is that we are all in process. We all need to keep learning. And we all have the chance to live great lives if we serve and love others first.
I'm sure another blog will come around sooner or later - but for now - and for the final time...Cheers!