I've owed you this letter for quite some time, so thank you for the grace and patience.
Life has been moving at a fairly rapid pace over the past few months. So fast, in fact, that I probably need more times like this to sit and absorb it all. I don't want to be so wrapped up in getting to the next thing that I miss the moments, forget the lessons. And I feel like that's how my relationship with the Lord has been.
If I were to paint an image of it, the picture would be from His perspective, gazing into a room as I hurried to put away clothes on the shelf, make the bed, and decide which outfit to wear. If it were a movie, the scene would transition with me running past him, turning sideways to fit through the door as I grab my phone to text the person I'm meeting. He'd be saying my name quietly and I'd respond back curtly, "I know I hear you, let's go." And I'd proceed to run out the door knowing He wasn't too far behind.
That's where I've been. I've recently moved into a new place that has allowed for me to breathe a little bit. I'm settling in this weekend in hopes of creating a bit of a sanctuary of a home. And as I begin to prepare each room, it takes me back to a story that one of my high school teachers read through for us as a devotional- My Heart Christ's Home- maybe you've heard of it. It depicts a conversation between someone and Christ going through different areas of our lives. It's honest and even shocking at times. And as I go through and prepare my bedroom, my kitchen, the bathroom, the main room, my focus has been bringing peace. And frankly, it has not been until now that I've allowed the still, small, and persistent voice to actually reach my heart.
I know that there has to be a reason that I keep Him distant. And I want to try to dig into that. My heart longs for a quiet place to listen to music about His love and sing some of my own. So what keeps me from that? Why do I rush past Him in these days and moments- knowing full well that being intimate with the Lord brings such life to my own life? What is it about the routine I've established that permits for Him to be a constant background.
I know, as do you I'm sure, that in His salvation and truth we find peace. Practical ways of seeking Him include spending time with other believers, listening to a sermon, writing a prayer in that journal that keeps calling my name, but it also includes holding your little boy close, taking a walk on a beautiful autumn evening, putting a melody to a scripture that has recently touched your heart...the list goes on. He is an ever present part of the things that bring refreshing joy to our hearts.
I am a Christian, Audrey. That isn't something that we simply put on a profile page or file on a tax form. But it's the same a saying I'm in a relationship. I've chosen Christ as the caretaker of my heart. And I desperately want Him to own that job- in spite of my propensity to control. I'm so grateful that I serve and love a God who knows that I'm a tough one to still. And He will fight for my heart.
I love you, dear sister and am grateful to share life with you- even from far away. I pray that we both continue to acknowledge God where He is and make the choice to sing His praise- knowing that that will ignite our hearts and give us joy.
With all my love and admiration,