Saturday, September 22, 2007

At the Feet of My Love

"So she went down to the threshing floor and did just as her mother-in-law had commanded her. And when Boaz had eaten and drunk, and his heart was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of grain. Then she came softly and uncovered his feet and lay down."~Ruth 3:6-7

I'm currently at the feet of my love as well. I'm waiting for Him to show me where to go. You see, recently I've been almost overwhelmingly humbled by the lack of understanding of where I'm going next. Its not that I am sitting, immobile and not seeking, but the more I seek, the more I find that He is the one crafting and intentionally pointing me in His direction. Admittedly, it is odd. I imagine the anxiousness Ruth felt at the feet of Boaz, waiting for direction. Her heart must have been beating faster than normal and I can't even begin to fathom all of the thoughts racing through her mind. In her waiting, she was risking her reputation, rejection and shame. But seemingly, it didn't matter. She knew that the her mother-in-law would not guide her astray. Maybe she was even praying, "Lord, keep me calm and protect my heart." And this is what my prayers have been of late. "My Jesus, I have no clue where you are taking me, but you are taking me somewhere specific. Keep me calm, trusting you, and protect my heart."

This isn't some easy task-one that comes almost flippantly. No, it is one filled with purification, pain and humility. Over the past few weeks, I've seen Him molding my heart, granting me peace in a previously undiscovered way. My heart aches for my God. I so deeply desire closeness with Him that all other desires-marriage, family, career-fade into nothing. And this is the first time that I type that...and mean it. I want nothing else than to be with my Jesus. I anxiously await His return. You see, the only thing I do know is that the Lord is God. As Paul says to the Corinthians, "For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified." And with this, I have experienced a weighted freedom from the worries and anxiousness of my past and future. My soul cries out for my God.

In the midst of this, the Lord is teaching me something about prayer. The Holy Spirit intercedes for us-guides our hearts and minds in the knowledge and love of God. So, when we, as His children approach the throne in prayer, it is He that guides our words. This is why God is not a vending machine. The Holy Spirit inspires us to prayer at times-convicting us to ask for the desires of our hearts, which when we delight in the Lord, are crafted by Him. There may be more to unpack here, but this is how I have seen prayer work in my life recently. He prays for me. My desire is to serve, knowing that He is preparing me for change. :)

I do not know what the next step is. I can ask questions and with a willing heart, be on watch for that to which the Lord has called me. But I can not and will not succumb to planning my life for the sake of planning it. He has something, I trust Him and I am at His feet awaiting His direction. Ruth's boldness opened the door for the Lord to use her offspring as the line of David-Jesus' descendants. I'm confident that great things lie ahead. And with a sober mind and prayerful heart, I approach His threshing floor. Some will not understand...

I am His.

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