Romans 7:15-25~"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin."
Disconnect is difficult. We have such a desire to be on fire, passionate, on our knees and running. But I believe there are times when God causes us to stop and evaluate our hearts. And here I am. Disconnected a bit. in the midst of this battle between what I know and what I trust, I turn to the beautiful reality that I am rendered nothing without Christ. I praise Him for protecting me, keeping me close, accountable and willing to hear His voice. And this is my cry...thanks to Bebo Norman
God, my God, I cry out. Your beloved needs you now. God be near, calm my fear and take my doubt. Your kindness is all that pulls me up. Your love is all that draws me in. I will lift my eyes to the Maker of the mountains I can't climb. I will lift my eyes to the Calmer of the oceans raging wild. I will lift my eyes to the Healer of the hurt I hold inside. I will lift my eyes to you.
For years, when I found disconnect, I ran to tangible comforts seeking out nothing but temporary affirmation, but praise the Lord! He has redeemed me and shown me that only through worshipping Him, I find peace and can dance despite my human nature and pride. HE is holy, He is enough.
So I may not understand why I contradict myself in thought, but I can stand confident knowing He has my heart...and I will not falter. It is not because of me...but because of Him. I need nothing from this world. Isn't that a beautiful truth to hold in the midst of disconnect. He is ever-present and ever-ready to hold His child.
I have not been called to the wisdom of this world...but to a God who's calling out to me. And I have had enough of me. I pray that sentiment never changes. Every since July 1st this year, I've had enough of me...seeking more of Him. And He has answered my prayer through fellowship, ministry, miracles, trials and He is not done. And I want so badly to gain control of even a moment...but He keeps reminding me that without Him, I falter and fail. I surrendered and He is faithful to hold me fast to that surrender despite what I think, try to do, or even attempt to puruse. *sigh* PRAISE THE LORD!
Haha...I guess its not so much disconnect. We only become disconnected when we lose sight of what He's done in our lives...in this world. HAHA! I thought I had something wise to say...but all I've got for you...remember. See Him and lift your eyes to Him. Because when we cry out...our Beloved answers. Always.