Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Guard her heart

Proverbs 4:23- "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

This is a letter to all of the Christian men out there on behalf of the women that you may or may not pursue in your life.

Dear Man,

This is hard to write, seeing as I am a delicate woman, much like those I am representing, however I feel it is necessary for your personal growth. So bear with me in these next few moments, as I try to advise you in the handling of a woman's heart.

There has been a recent trend I have noticed among many of my Christian female friends' relationships. It starts out with a mutual interest. One notices the other, perhaps a few deep conversations revealing the heart of the other individual, or in the interactions with those around him/her. Then they start talking. Soon the conversations develop and there is an added element of tenderness. Dare I say flirtation? Certain actions are taken, things seem to be moving along as planned. And then, with out much warning, you, as the man, pull out. Reasons like, "I'm not ready for a relationship" or "I am not sure of my feelings" or "God hasn't said yes to this yet" are put out on the table. And the guy walks away.

To the average male, that seems like a pretty reasonable situation. Some guys just are not ready for the commitment, romance. Perhaps they're not over a previous hurt, or God has called them to a time of single living. These are all valid reasons. But my question to you is this...why did you start in the first place if you knew all of these things? I beg of you: listen to His urgings.

You see, as women, especially those seeking after God's heart, understand the necessity for you to be in a position of leadership. Thus, we take a role of responding. We respond to your comments, reciprocating only upon initiation. We try our best to wait for you. And when those words are used, we receive the "go ahead" in our hearts. Words are golden to us. If you say statements that allude to interest and we feel as if God is ordaining the situation, we respond. We begin to subject ourselves to a vulnerability that is very much ordained by God (check out the vulnerability in Song of Solomon), trusting that you are acting out of care. The heart is fragile, so when we open it, we do so, trusting both God and you that you, as a man of the Word, will honor that fragility and not be careless.

But carelessness is now masked by Biblical statements, excusing you for your lack of consideration for the woman you have been pursuing. It is not that we seek validation in your comments or actions. However it is your duty as a Christian brother, to take extra measures to keep yourselves from situations from which later you will have to remove yourself. This is reality for us.

Now, we are not all perfect. I understand this and will never claim perfection in any way, shape, or form. But if you really do care for someone, be mindful of her heart. If you have any doubt of your feelings...any second guessing, I expect you to seek counsel, prayer, and Biblical guidance prior to any action of pursuit. Please.

Thank you on behalf of us all,



Anonymous said...

A good letter; "be mindful of her heart" - I like that turn of phrase, it says it exactly well. But I think "take extra measures to keep yourselves from situations from which later you will have to remove yourself" sums it up well. Good perspective. Hope life is good in Bloomington.
~ Tom

Anonymous said...

Men called of Christ--wil lwe come to terms with the power that we have in Him? This is a power to serve---not to defend our egos.

And, when it comes to women, we have a high calling to surrender ourselves to the call of godliness that women have.

Counter-cultural, to be sure. But, when was Jesus anything but?

Maeve said...