Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Beautiful Desperation


Isaiah 5:1a-"I will sing for the One I love..."

So there was a lot of driving around today and a lot of blessings offered. I really am beginning to ponder what God has for me in the future. One ministry opportunity would really be me establishing a life in a small Mexican town in order to help it flourish. Is that where He wants me to go? Another is to follow my burden for the girls in the upcoming generation. God is opening doors...and I'm not worried, but I am burdened.

You see, I so desperately want to know the right decisions. The more and more that I think of it, the more I feel such a calling to ministry. With that comes the need for a practical application of the knowledge I am gaining at school. So where do you send me, Lord? I am willing to go anywhere. I have such a burning desire to pursue Him in everything: my friendships, my church ministry, my job, my school work, my writing. The list is seemingly endless. All I know is that I am His child and He will guide me. There is such a peace in that. Like the title says...it is such a beautiful desperation. Lovely in its demand for closeness with the Father, yet desperate in your dependence on Him.

Life is slowly becoming real...less fantasy, more tangible. I guess this is what they call "growing up". Trust me, I am miles from the altar in my mind, even further from motherhood. Right now, I am more focused (a much better word than fearful or concerned) on what He wants me to do with my summer. I want to commit it to Him and from there, I want Him to show me where to go. Is ministry my call? Lord, answer my heart.

Do you understand? Even remotely? My Lord is BEAUTIFUL. Even more amazing...His beauty exudes from me. He has taken me, in everything disgusting I have done, thought, said and made me lovely. So, I will trust Him with the future. But I must say...being almost 20, amazing how the future, how life is just steps away.

All these questions, no clear answers, but all I can manage to sing is this...

Open up the heavens
Open up the skies
All of Your creation wants to testify
I have a song
So let the earth sing along
Cuz I just want to praise You!

All creatures their Creator bless!
And worship you in humbleness!
O Praise Him, Hallelujah!
Praise, Praise the Father,
Praise the Son!
And Praise the Spirit three in One!
O, Praise Him!
O, Praise Him!
Alleluia!
Alleluia!
Alleluia!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Didnt I tell you, that your gunna end up in a town in Mexico.... looks like those ppl from highschool knew what they were talking about...... But now i have no cornrows for the alines to leave cropcircles in when they abduct me, go Fig.