Saturday, December 31, 2005

An After Thought

Song of Songs 8:4- "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."

There are times when we all must sit back and accept that our hearts are hurting. Acknowledging that pain. Wait on the Lord and He will renew your strength.

That's really all I have to say.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

A path less travelled

Isaiah 41:10 "Do not fear, for I am with you. Be not afraid for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. And I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

I put that verse there because it is one of the many that give such a testimony to who God is during certain times in our lives. First, He is present, and in that, He is peace and/or courage. Second, He is God, if I started this explanation, I fear for the upload time on this thing. He is strength, He is our help. Finally, He is our foundation.

This picture above, is very much like the state of my spiritual life as of date. A beautiful desperation. I am in the midst of surmounting, but I must remember how beautiful it is. "Look at the big picture." Yes, it is difficult, and there are times I can barely understand anything. But this is my journey...and it is beautiful. Christ and His presence, His peace, His courage, His very existence is the reason it is beautiful. I am beautiful, because I am His.

I finally wrote a song. One that echoes my heart...

Treasure of All

To the broken
You’re the Healer
To the empty
You restore with joy
To the blind man
You are sight
To the mute one
You ignite a passionate song

You are all this and more

You are God, Lover King
To a world who knows no peace
Gentle Father, Valiant Lord
Blessing all who call on your name
Rain down with Holy Fire,
Treasure of all

To the dreamless
Giving purpose
To the lonely
You are Friend
To the frightened
You are Peace
To the desperate
You are Life

You are all this and more

You are God, Lover King
To a world who knows no peace
Gentle Father, Valiant Lord
Blessing all who call on your name
Rain down with Holy Fire,
Treasure of all

You are all this and more
You are all this and more


Sunday, December 25, 2005


Revelation 21:6-7 "He said to me: 'It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son.'"

First, without going too deep, I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas. And by this, I mean an incredibly joy-filled day in remebrance of our Savior.

We are so immensely blessed. I'm sure you've heard this spew before, but I want to go a little bit deeper than the blessings that are typically listed after this comment. This is not to belittle the family, treasures, house, clothing, food, finances, but there is One blessing to which we all..and by all, I mean every single person on this planet... have access. Namely, the salvation, redemption, grace of Jesus Christ. It never really phased me until last night during the sermon. No one throughout the course of history, not Noah, Ruth, Esther, David, Paul, ad infinitum, was able to step up to the Father and take the book to which John refers in Revelation (look at chapter 20 if you're unsure. I believe it is towards the end.) and answer for each of the disgusting things we have done. There is only One who is enough. ONE...for the billions of people that have lived on this earth. One answer. Unreal. Furthermore, we all are unique...not one is the same, but God is the "simplistic" solution for the infinite number of issues that we all have. Think about it. All the heartaches, broken homes, destroyed dreams, loneliness...each stemming from unique roots. One. Crazy, isn't it? Causes you to fall on your knees in awe. Well, at least that's where I've been.

Today is a day we remember that God acted. He became small. He answered the cry of the depths of our soul. He's reaching now... So take His hand...and be healed.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Silly words

A time has come for the artist to step up to the keyboard
Tell a story worth a thousand lifetimes
A love that lasted for a summer, maybe
But was destroyed by the sickness of today

She was beautiful, walked on air
A little crazy, but she did not seem to care
He was the boy that everyone seemed to know
The nice one, simple, no complications
Attracted to the muse--they fell

And it came, full on
Fantasy, dream on

I will not write a million songs about the heartache
I will not write a million words about how he hurt her, no
I will not write a million songs about the heartache
I will just sing you a story about a girl who is learning life

Starry night, an effort to resurrect her dream
Create a symphony of stars
Thinking all was well, she laugh a little more
Then a story came forth...half truth

Surprised, suspicious, not wanting to believe
But surrender, promise forever, hold on with everything
Deception growing deeper, pain increasing always more
Never truly knowing where to go

And it came, full on
She cried, now he's gone, oh

I will not write a million songs about the heartache
I will not write a million words about how he broke her heart
I will not write a million songs about the hearache
I will just sing you a story about a girl who's learning life
She's learning life
Flying, learning life

Empty Kisses

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is more delightful than wine."-Song of Solomon 1:2

Ok, so I know that as her sister, I probably should not be condoning this, but I needed an there you go...two people in love, kissing.

Please take note of the last phrase...two people in love, kissing. That's why I chose this picture above one of just a kiss. You can write a story about the people in that picture, but you don't truly know the difference between a happenstance, or an expression of love. So, wait...there's a difference between "just a kiss" and a kiss. Yes, yes there is. I think people have known that for a long time. But when we are absent a "better half" are we really missing the kissing, the cuddling, the hand-holding? Or are we missing the human with whom we perform this dance called romance?

I mean in theory, you can kiss any one. Especially in today's society, there need not be a justification beyond, "I just want it." But who wants to kiss a heart that lacks the emotion. Ok, so you throw in a hormonal situation: late at night, heart to heart discussion on life, two attractive people...sure you get a sexual encounter. But for us hopeless romantics, the desire for sexual moments last as long as your inside. The second you see the stars, you drift beyond a physical prompting and are soon lost in a world of fantasy where the other person actually cares enough to share the starry heavens with you.

It is the holiday season...again, for a hopeless romantic, you desire relationship. Someone to kiss under that mistletoe, someone to cuddle with by the fire, perhaps some chestnuts, eggnog and candy canes? I never considered this, but Jesus (because He is the high priest who can identify with us in EVERYTHING-Check out Hebrews 11) understands this...weird, huh? Now that sounds all too close to a "Christianese" comment, but consider that for a moment. The same Man that heals the sick, heals the broken heart. Furthermore, He knows your heart...and if this is the desire of it, then by all means, ask. Just make sure you're requesting the truth. I don't know...I just think you demand growth in relationships...specifically your heavenly one, when you stop lying to yourself. Comments?

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Missing the pieces

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him. Male and female he created them." --Genesis 1:27

I had a conversation with a woman last night. She's only 19, but she is a woman. Isn't it funny how that can happen in a short time? One moment you're a girl, but throw in a mix of life experience, teaching, perhaps a book or two, and now you're speaking with a woman.

We were discussing the various happenings of this semester. Again, not so much the long, detailed stories that I've seemed to have gone over time after time. But rather these concepts that have begun to plague our society. Yes, I'm about to say it...we talked about girls and...(ready for it?)...sexuality. Wait! You mean females have it? But we only struggle emotionally! Right? Ha! Sadly, that is what we have come to believe. So you have a bunch of evangelically trained females running around college campuses wondering what is wrong with their bodies...after all...the sexual feelings you receive are SINFUL. We mustn't discuss them. Which sadly turns into, "that sexual encounter was sinful...I've failed...I better not tell anyone. Maybe I'm not a Christian any more". And before you know it...she's gone. My friend put it very interestingly..."Its as if we are expected to not struggle with it for the 20+ years we are single and then all of the sudden on our wedding night we turn on a switch and want to have sex and become sexual". So you're telling me I'm supposed to despise sex until that one night where some sort of magical or heck, even spiritual (because we're godly women) force kicks in and drive activated. Really?

A good soldier knows her battlefield. Correct? So why do we have such a problem identifying the issue for the young women of our society? The boys get seminars, retreats, accountability partners, "pardons" or expectancy of failure. Now, before you read on...this is not a "THIS IS NOT FAIR!" post in which I rant on and on about the male dominance in society. If that's what you were hoping for, I am sure you can go to google and type in "feminism" and read all about it. Because society has done our men a great injustice as well. Just as Christian women are taught to turn off the sex drive (even IN marriage, I might add), Christian men more often than not are asked to refrain from touching the "emotional light switch" until they are needed to be a good husband. So your telling me that he's supposed to walk around emotionless for 20+ years, understanding nothing about the concept, and then on his wedding night some sort of magical, or spiritual (because God moves) force kicks in and BOOM...emotional drive activated? Really?

So are you beginning to see my point? Both sexes are missing training in two very crucial very GOD-handcrafted areas of sex! It has been created to be the closest two people get in manifesting their relationship with God on this earth...a unity of spirit, emotion, and body...three in one? It is meant to be a wondrous adventure in the life of two individuals...that demands exclusivity. I don't know about you, but that sounds like a relationship very close to what God asks. Total surrender, vulnerability and trust...and only with Him. The interesting thing...God created male and female (as said in the aforementioned verse) in His the uniting of the two presents an incredible illustration of who He is. He is strong and pursuing, yet gentle and openly receiving. He is persistent, and He waits. He is everything. So in theory, and the way God intended orginally, was perfection in that moment. How beautiful! Why not try to further understand this phenomenon in it's entirety?

A man should not shudder in pride when he cries over a sad moment or is asked about his love relationship with His God. A woman should not be fearful to share struggles when "the mood" is discussed. It is 100% what you do with those feelings/situations that makes the difference. "Know thyself and know thy God." Is that how it goes? Now, there is only so far I, as a woman, am able to go with this topic. I do not and will never claim to fully know the interworkings of the male heart. However, I do know the handiwork that is "woman". So no, I'm not going to sit here and just rant about this incredible injustice. We have so many people doing that already. I would say that it is about time we start doing I am...joining forces with a woman.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Cheers to this

Isaiah 60:20-"Your sun will never set again, your moon will wane no more; the Lord will be your everlasting light and your days of sorrow will end."

So what's new, world? Babies are new, flowers are new, the millions of presents unwrapped this season are new. Oh that's heart is new. Haha. No need to go into the "where I've been" in the intensity of it all, but I feel I should brief you on what I've learned in hopes that someone out there besides me will benefit. And if not, I did. (Smile)

1. Your validation, your worth...the value of who you are must not depend on a human being, or anything else on this earth. So funny how we give ourselves so easily in hopes that someone will tell us that we are ok, lovely, good enough...accepted. I have found that the place in which you can successfully define yourself must be above and unaffected by day-to-day changes. The consistency of that definition must be absolute. No changes, no fickle movements, no sudden lurches into darkness. Thus, I must conclude, that the only One who gives validation without regard to actions is something/someone that transcends time, transcends flighty hearts, immovable and virtually beyond our comprehension. Who is that one for you? Do you even have that One? A life of definition/value/worth being solely placed in an individual who is even remotely imperfect demands heartache. The heart is why invest it in someone equally as fragile?

2. God is enough. There's a song we've probably sung for years..."All of you is more than enough for all of me for every thirst and every need. You satisfy me with your love. And all I have in you, is more than enough." How easily we sing those words, but re-read them if you have the chance. That song is completely scripture-filled. He promises that He will be enough. But do we trust? I haven't for a long time. But when you have nothing either run or grasp. Thank God, I grasped.

3. God always answers your prayer. Haha...even when you didn't really know what you were praying for. I remember writing before all of anything happened saying, "Lord, send me someone." He did...He sent me Himself...unearthed incredible truth, destroyed the idol I constructed and started new. He continues to answer my prayer. Its funny...we are suprised when God actually does something, but I think it is due to lack of expectancy and trust...and furthermore, knowledge of who He is! If we even had a fraction of understanding (which is possible through your reading of Scripture) of who this God is, we'd be a lot less worried.

4. I suck at control. Every time in my life I've tried to gain control of something that was never originally my own, it falls apart. It has been like this since I can remember. It goes back to my first which I do believe the majority of issues in this life return...I do not transcend time, I do not transcend heartbreak...I am ever-so shakeable. Silly girl. Silly world.

Tis the season of it in empty resolutions swearing off chocolate for 300 days, running 6x a day for 30min a day, or be it in the remembrance of a birth that revolutionized history...Praise God for His new mercies every morning. Haha...and here's to a new lot in life.