I've been spending a lot of time recently talking about how to manage feelings - emotions. I have been coming up with long lists of ways to not feel, not acknowledge the truth of emotions, and just operate in this place of cool, collected, and calculated. And I'm exhausted. (Can I get an amen from anyone out there?)
You see, a lot of the stuff out there for Christian women to learn from has much to do with "not letting your emotions drive the bus" or "lead the train" or operate any other mode of transportation. I've even heard that I, as a woman, should I ever find someone to walk life with, need to somehow forget or ignore that I feel and manually adjust my communication so that it can translate for that guy. Now, I know how this sounds - there are a lot of "I"s in that last sentence, but bear with me for a second.
God created me. He knit me together. He formed me to respond to this world in a very specific way. I see through scripture that God has emotions. He feels and acts in those feelings. Jesus turns tables over in a temple, reaches out to a woman who is scorned by men around her, and he bends his knee in agony before he is crucified. There is color and beauty to the feelings he has - a rawness and even peacefulness in knowing that the one who commanded the stars into being appreciated their beauty.
The very emotions that cause me to get excited about the Lord in worship, appreciate the beauty of a sunny day, and bring tears to my eyes out of pain, are the same ones that I've been advised in different seasons of my life to lay down and ignore. It hasn't worked - in fact, it's probably worsened pressure and trauma in my life. I've been so eager to make my emotions "make sense" rather than just acknowledging that they are there, legitimate, and not always big enough to mandate a life change or even a small change.
I'd like to take it a step further. I believe that we should celebrate that we feel- and celebrate what we feel. Example. The classic story of a girl liking a guy. Let's pretend she's a pretty decent girl and he's got his stuff together.Typically what happens is the girl has some sort of emotional response to said guy and begins this process of analyzing her feelings, his actions, her actions, his words, her words, his thoughts, her thoughts, her breathing, his breathing, ad infinitum. She pictures him in different scenarios in her life - what he'd be like on a date, as a boyfriend, as a husband, as a father, with her family. And then her lunch break is over and she goes back to work - only to start the process again when he sends a text message about something they have to accomplish in the next week. But what if, instead of applying logic and analysis to the emotion - she just celebrated the fact that God has created her to respond to good things in a person. Because it's not bad for someone to appreciate and be attracted to someone who has qualities that are...worth appreciating. Does this mean she has to start something with him? Nope. But it does mean that she can rejoice in the emotions she has - and be free to be who she is.
Another example - one that I acted on. The other night, I was playing piano and singing with the worship team. I was legitimately excited about who God is, struck by His presence and just really pumped that He loves me. I couldn't stay seated, so I got up and moved around as I played piano. I had to - the emotion mandated a change - there was freedom to feel and act in that feeling. And the cool part is that I felt more like myself in that moment than I would have if I just stayed where I was.
That same joy and passion that makes me want to move around and dance for my Lord comes from the same place that responds to great people in my life, a beautiful sunrise, a man I respect.
"I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
So I wonder what would happen if we took the time to celebrate that and what we feel. Here's my hypothesis:
1) We'd be to identify WHY we are feeling what we are
2) We wouldn't be so anxious about the fact that we are feeling anything
3) We'd analyze a bit less
4) We'd praise Him a bit more
5) We'd love others better
What does it look like? Say that I get angry - so angry that I start crying. Before moving, acting, doing. I stop and praise Him for the fact that I'm alive and feeling something. I ask Him to show me truth in my feelings and I ask Him to help. And I breathe. And all of this happens before I react. Crazy? Maybe. But it works so much better than the other option of "not letting my emotions play a role". They're meant to. They were created to. So I'm going to acknowledge that, celebrate that, and invite you to do the same. It is for freedom to live, breathe, and experience His life that He has set us free.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Focus on Jesus, Little One
Obligatory disclaimer: I'm going to go ahead and jump on the "New Year's Eve" blog post train.
I had the day off yesterday, which allowed for some reflection and rest. As it stands, it's 11:40AM, and I'm still in my PJs. You have to love vacation.
Yesterday, after cooking up some food for the week, I felt the need to pull out a journal that my dad started writing almost a year before I was born. I brewed some tea in my oversized mug and began to read. I don't think I've ever gotten through the whole thing - but if I have, I didn't remember. My dad gave this to me when I was 18 - so I started with that letter first. As I poured over the pages which shed insight into my parents' pre-parenting life, the shock of having a daughter with deformed ears, and the journey they experienced as God provided options and opportunity, I was reminded of how God was shaping my life even in the womb.
My dad didn't know whether I was a girl or a boy, but if you read his letters, you can tell that he was made to father a daughter. The tenderness of God the Father is reflected throughout the pages- the kind a daughter needs to learn that she is cherished. Even when sharing what my name would be, either Amy or Matthew, Amy came first. From the womb, I loved music. He shared about a time when they attended a symphony orchestra concert and I was "kicking up a storm". On the first vacation they took with me, dad had me in the front-facing carrier while walking on the beach - and I was mesmerized by the water - I loved the sea.
In one of his first letters he penned this line, "Focus on Jesus, little one - we are. Together, knit as one - as a family - we will thrive." So I turn to where I am now in my 26 years of life. I cried a little as I realized how many times I've forgotten that this truth - this focus on Jesus - is so so hard to do. It's hard to do on the daily level - to reflect on Him and learn more about Him, and live your life based on that learning. It's something you have to fight for - and sometimes fighting gets tiring. But it's something that I deeply long for. To acknowledge Him in creation, in the sweet moments of life, in the pain, and the confusing situations that come our way.
"You make me new, You are making me new."
So what does focusing on Jesus look like each day? It starts with worship and time in His word (hardest for me), talking to Him, then progresses into what we make of our time - the decisions we make. To be intentional about serving others, being generous with our resources, and being aware of people around us who need a friend to walk out life with. It's not loud, but it's intentional.
A new year brings a sense of hope and promise. And more than anything, my hope is that somehow through all the of the chaos, I remember that the Lord is intimately involved in my life as a Father, Husband, and Leader - and show others the same thing through the way I live.
2011 was a year of change and transition, as was 2010. I'm praying for some steady, rootedness over the next year as the Lord establishes my ministry here.
May He be glorified.
Amy
I had the day off yesterday, which allowed for some reflection and rest. As it stands, it's 11:40AM, and I'm still in my PJs. You have to love vacation.
Yesterday, after cooking up some food for the week, I felt the need to pull out a journal that my dad started writing almost a year before I was born. I brewed some tea in my oversized mug and began to read. I don't think I've ever gotten through the whole thing - but if I have, I didn't remember. My dad gave this to me when I was 18 - so I started with that letter first. As I poured over the pages which shed insight into my parents' pre-parenting life, the shock of having a daughter with deformed ears, and the journey they experienced as God provided options and opportunity, I was reminded of how God was shaping my life even in the womb.
My dad didn't know whether I was a girl or a boy, but if you read his letters, you can tell that he was made to father a daughter. The tenderness of God the Father is reflected throughout the pages- the kind a daughter needs to learn that she is cherished. Even when sharing what my name would be, either Amy or Matthew, Amy came first. From the womb, I loved music. He shared about a time when they attended a symphony orchestra concert and I was "kicking up a storm". On the first vacation they took with me, dad had me in the front-facing carrier while walking on the beach - and I was mesmerized by the water - I loved the sea.
In one of his first letters he penned this line, "Focus on Jesus, little one - we are. Together, knit as one - as a family - we will thrive." So I turn to where I am now in my 26 years of life. I cried a little as I realized how many times I've forgotten that this truth - this focus on Jesus - is so so hard to do. It's hard to do on the daily level - to reflect on Him and learn more about Him, and live your life based on that learning. It's something you have to fight for - and sometimes fighting gets tiring. But it's something that I deeply long for. To acknowledge Him in creation, in the sweet moments of life, in the pain, and the confusing situations that come our way.
"You make me new, You are making me new."
So what does focusing on Jesus look like each day? It starts with worship and time in His word (hardest for me), talking to Him, then progresses into what we make of our time - the decisions we make. To be intentional about serving others, being generous with our resources, and being aware of people around us who need a friend to walk out life with. It's not loud, but it's intentional.
A new year brings a sense of hope and promise. And more than anything, my hope is that somehow through all the of the chaos, I remember that the Lord is intimately involved in my life as a Father, Husband, and Leader - and show others the same thing through the way I live.
2011 was a year of change and transition, as was 2010. I'm praying for some steady, rootedness over the next year as the Lord establishes my ministry here.
May He be glorified.
Amy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)